Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Hey all-

Just a quick plug: I recently completed Erin Stutland's Magical Manifesters course, and it is playing a LARGE role in the planning and execution of The Purpose Project. It's helped me identify what I want to accomplish, what's most important to me, and how best to make those things reality. A new round of the course is about to begin, so I wanted to let my readers know. If you'd like to check the program out, please click here. Thanks!

Monday, August 26, 2013


In New York City, there are a lot of opportunities for performers. If you are desperate to perform, and you audition enough, it's pretty much guaranteed you'll be cast in SOMETHING. Whether that production is going to actually advance your career is another thing. The quality of any given show or group is not always evident when reading a posting, and sometimes, you'll show up for something that is a little sketchy. The first step to judging whether an opportunity is up to your standards is to set some.

I don't have an abundance of credits to my name at this point in my career, as I decided to devote most of my energy to bringing in steady paychecks instead of auditioning. However, the credits I did acquire have all served as valuable teaching experiences.

At this point in my life, I'm interested in becoming a working actor, and making my living as a performer. I'm less interested in unpaid work (although I understand the necessity of taking some, especially when trying to build my resume), and I've decided that there is a certain level of quality to a production or a company that I'm aspiring to. To entertain the possibility of taking a job that doesn't live up to my own comfort level gives me the heebie jeebies. Makes me feel kinda dirty. I'm trying to get my name in lights eventually, not my headshot stapled to a cork board outside a rundown black box studio.

I have to believe that if I hold myself steadfastly to the standards that I have come to expect, that the universe will eventually deliver. And if I don't accept a job that makes me feel like I'm slumming it, then there is almost no chance that I'll be ashamed of any job I take.

Basically, I have to see myself as "Marriage Material," instead of a "Hooker."

Made that decision this weekend, while sitting in a seedy lounge, waiting for someone to acknowledge me, no monitor in sight, and getting the feeling like this was definitely NOT where I wanted to be hanging out for the next 6 months.

I also came to the conclusion that I need to completely revamp not only my headshots and audition material, but my resume as well. That thing is moldy.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Fear sucks.

So here I am, 8:47am on a Wednesday morning.

At work. Been here for an hour already. People are calling this phone line already, too. It's not even 9am.

This is the last day I have to work this crazy schedule, so for the next 10 hours, I'm going to try to hold onto that fact.

People work too hard. We are told that money and possessions will make us happy, and in order to bring that money in, sometimes we have to devote much more than an 8 hour day to our jobs. Even that simple 8 hour day can make it difficult or impossible to accomplish the daily goals we set for ourselves (gym, enrichment, spending time with family and friends). We feel the pressure from our bosses to keep going, as they feel pressure from theirs, and they feel pressure from the shareholders, blah blah blah.

Meanwhile, the hours are passing us by, and suddenly it's New Year's Eve, and we are forced to ruminate on what we accomplished this year...

The last few years, I've had to admit, I didn't accomplish much of note.

I mean, great things happened to me. TO me. I didn't really have much to do with meeting my future husband, or finding a spiritual home. These were all results of chance encounters, perhaps divine fate. And while I'm endlessly grateful that I was gifted these things, I'm aching to MAKE something happen.

I've been spending the last 7 or so years since I graduated working for paychecks, and I justified that by thinking that financial security was more important to me than the other kids I went to school with. My parents weren't able to fully bankroll my life (although they have helped me immeasurably), so I couldn't be frivolous and audition for everything. I had to work.

And it's not like that wasn't true, and I didn't have a responsibility to take care of myself. I just wish I hadn't been so AFRAID.

All that talk about supporting myself and paychecks was a cover for fear. Fear I wouldn't make it. Fear I would end up failing and having to admit defeat and head back to Arizona. Fear I wasn't cut out to live in New York City.

It's taken 7 years, but I'm finally done letting that fear keep me from true happiness. I'm certainly not done being afraid, but I'm done with allowing that fear to speak for me.

So... here I am at work. It's 9:04am now. The minutes are marching forward, but I'm not scared I'm wasting them. I have a plan.

I have a project.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

The Third Metric

Scanning my news feed this morning, I was drawn to an article on HuffPost regarding marriage, and some supposed magic decision you can make to change yours. Being engaged, I enjoy reading articles on marriage and relationships (I'm studying up!). Here's the article.

For those who don't feel like reading the whole thing, Meghan Telpner and Josh Gitalis, a married couple from Toronto, live a life that many here in America might find odd. Neither of them work in a corporate environment, and they prioritize their lives around what makes them feel healthy and happy, not necessarily what will make them the most money.

This article was categorized under "The Third Metric." Here's the blurb HuffPost includes on its page:

     "The current, male-dominated model of success -- which equates success with burnout, sleep deprivation, and driving ourselves into the ground -- isn't working for women, and it's not working for men, either. On June 6, Arianna Huffington and Mika Brzezinski hosted a conference called "The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power,” bringing together women -- and a few good men -- to focus on redefining success to include well-being, wisdom, our ability to wonder and our ability to make a difference in the world."

I was instantly struck by how simple, and yet so CRAZY this idea is to our established way of thinking in the West. I know I've been taught and advised to always have a job, and to try to rise up both in rank and in salary as often as possible. I haven't been spectacularly successful in this endeavor, although I've been able to support myself (for the most part) independently for the last 9 years or so. I've jumped from job to job, industry to industry over the last few years, and as I've been examining myself this year, a shocking truth is starting to dawn: Maybe I'm just not cut out for this shit.

"This shit" being Corporate America, and the constant desire for advancement and RESULTS, regardless of what I might actually want to accomplish in my personal life.

Why do we feel the need to follow this pattern? What is it we think we'll gain from this lifestyle? Money, power, respect, love? Why do we automatically reach for our careers as a way to achieve these goals? Can these needs be met another way?

That is what I'm trying to do here. Reach for the good feelings FIRST, instead winding my way through my JOB as a circuitous way to get to Love and Contentment. Concentrating on what will make me feel fulfilled and purposeful, instead of what society might define as Success. Finding security through my own inner satisfaction instead of my bank account.

I'll let you know how it goes. :)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

"Ambition, I have come to believe, is the most primal and sacred fundament of our being. To feel ambition and to act upon it is to embrace the unique calling of our souls. Not to act upon that ambition is to turn our backs on ourselves and on the reason for our existence."

-Steven Pressfield
"Turning Pro"

Purposefully Professional

I'm embarking on the journey of my life. The journey I was always meant to take, but have been putting off for years. That journey begins January 1st, 2014. Until that day arrives, I am gonna pack like a fiend!

I'm not packing clothes or toiletries, however. I'm packing up a savings fund, wisdom from my trusted teachers, the support of my friends and family, and a big heaping bag of FAITH.

I have no idea how this will go, what will happen to me, or if I'll be happy.

But I do KNOW that I have to take this leap. A call from beyond myself has been echoing in my ear, and now I'm finally, actively listening.

Tune in for more details and deliciously vague prose. :)